I have been thinking a lot about what I am lately. What makes me, me?
I’ve thought about my choices. I mean really, at the end of the day, that is what you are, your choices, right?
Oh god, I’ve made some fucking bad choices. From going head to head with an Andre-the-Giant-look-a-like on Tequila shots on Saint Patrick’s Day, to saying “yes” to the wrong marriage proposal. I’ve gotten out of DUI’s and into beds, and I’ve chosen to spend my time with people who couldn’t see me at all. Oh yes, that is me. I am my bad choices.
I have painted bathrooms, and painted the truth, and painted myself into corners.
I have been jacked up, jacked around, and I’ve been a jackass.
I regret not seeing my worth sooner, I regret not seeing what was worthy of me sooner, and I mildly regret not protecting my skin from the sun until my thirties. Every five or so years, I regret cutting my bangs.
I regret not taking my brother’s last call seriously.
I don’t regret going to the bar or not going to church. I don’t regret giving away my money or hanging out with drug addicts. I don’t regret spending the weekends with my nieces and loving my sisters and my family. I don’t regret loving the people who didn’t love me back.
I don’t regret every time I chose pleasure over pain.
I am the Pleasure Seeker. I can’t find any other way to describe the way I live. Every choice that I do not regret has been because it has led me to pleasure in some way, shape, or form. It has allowed me to give it and take it and to me that is something our world needs much more of. Does that mean it was easy? No, not at all. But everything that I have ever done that I love has led me to pleasure, and usually it isn't easy. Pleasure isn't easy.
From the first time I stepped off the plane to feel the velvet air over me in The Virgin Islands, I felt pleasure. The smells, the sounds, the realness. All my pleasure.
From the sheets on my bed, to the food I put in my face, it is all for pleasure. To make someone’s day better, my pleasure. To take care of my family, my pleasure. To put my words into the universe for all to read, my pleasure.
To show up, make something better, my pleasure.
To surround myself with the people that bring me pleasure, they are real, and funny, and excited, and passionate, and they are my pleasure.
Every single thing I do with my body, my mind, my heart, and my soul, is for pleasure.
I unapologetically choose pleasure. I am The Pleasure seeker.